Shrek 2
Starring: Mike Myers, Eddie Murphy
Directed by: Andrew Adamson, Kelly Asbury, Conrad Vernon
Rating: 4.5 (out of 5)
Check out Naked's uncensored review as well as images and the trailer on his new website:
THENAKEDCRITIC.COM
You know, being an ogre isn't such a bad gig.
Think about it...the lead ogre in the "Shrek" movies has a lot of enviable characteristics about him. He's actually a lot like me
in many, many ways. For instance:
SHREK
Kind of fat
Cranky loner
Lives in a swamp
Voiced by Scarborough, Ontario native (Mike Myers)
Has an annoying sidekick who won't stop talking
Has a disgusting diet, which involves eating boogers and onions
NAKED
Kind of fat
Cranky loner
Lives in a shitty apartment
Voiced by Scarborough, Ontario native (me)
Has an annoying neighbour who who won't stop mooching smokes
Eats almost daily off of a coffee truck
So, as you can see, ol' Shrek and I are kind of like kindred spirits...twins separated at birth, perhaps. At the very least, if I don't
start making some money off of this dopey little site, I've at least got a nice copyright lawsuit on my hands.
Needless to say, I LOVED the first Shrek, and not just because it was like seeing me up on the big screen. I genuinely thought it was the
smartest-written animated film I'd ever seen. I loved all the casual "Fuck you" moments directed at Disney, and the Gingerbread
Man torture scene is, in my opinion, a scene of dark, comic genius. Then again, I giggle like a schoolgirl every time I drop a
"silent-but-violent" one in Bossman's office and leave, so I think it's fair to say that I'm not the most mature guy around. But,
in my defense, he does it to me TWICE as much, so he's earned every single sphincter-giggle I subject him to.
An aside: Before you guys write in, let me say this: Yes, I know I just made a fart joke. I KNOW that I normally LOATHE fart and other
toilet humour in movies. I normally TRASH people for using this lowest-common-denominator humour, yet here I am throwing it around myself.
There are 2 perfectly good reasons for this. 1) I'm talking about real life here, not movies. And, in real life, floating an air biscuit in
the boss's office is FUNNY...and anyone who says different is a damn liar. 2) I'm a hypocrite. Deal with it.
The fact is this is the first animated movie I've ever seen where adults have truly loved it as much - if not more - than kids. Up until
now (in my personal experience) the only adults who have really liked Disney movies have been women. You're talking to someone who has been
dragged by the HAIR to see "The Little Mermaid", "Beauty and the Beast", "Aladdin", and "The Lion
King" in movie theatres...all in vague attempts to try and get a little "Mickey on Minnie" action. And, the effect these
movies seem to have on the libidos of the women in question didn't really lend themselves to that. They'd gush about how CUTE the movies
were, and how GREAT the songs were, and I'd be stuck having to "take Pluto for a walk" all by myself.
If you're keeping track...so far, this is ONE fart reference and ONE masturbation reference so far, in a review for what is supposed to be
a kid's movie. I'm taking Movie Criticism to a whole new level, baby.
But here's the thing...this is SUPPOSED to be a kid's movie, or at least a kid's movie that grown-ups will be able to appreciate. But the
only "problem" is that it's so loaded with Pop Culture references and mature jokes that kids won't get, I'm afraid that they're
going to largely be lost, while all of us big kids are rolling in the aisles.
As the movie opens, Shrek (Myers) and the newly zaftig Fiona (Cameron Diaz) are enjoying their honeymoon. This involves a series of
pop-culture parodies that are, for the most part, screamingly funny. And here, the kids will appreciate it too. There's the Lord Of The
Rings parody, there's the Spider Man parody, and of course the "From Here To Eternity" parody. And you know how the kids LOVE
"From Here To Eternity".
Well, they're not home for more than 5 minutes when they wind up being visited by Donkey (Murphy), who, while cute and funny in the first
movie, is kind of annoying here. And, if that's not bad enough, a whole BUNCH of people show up from the land of Far Far Away. They have a
message from the King and Queen, who are also, coincidentally, Fiona's parents. I guess they weren't at the wedding, because they're asking
for Fiona to come home and bring her new husband. At this point, it goes without saying that they don't realize that their daughter looks
less like a hot, nubile princess, and more like the love child of the She-Hulk and Star Jones.
Shrek is dead-set against going. Fiona is not. Therefore, they go. Nobody knows better than I do who the REAL decision-makers are in the
family.
When they finally arrive in Far Far Away, we're treated to yet another brilliantly satirical sequence. As it turns out, Far Far Away is
actually Hollywood...complete with boutiques and squeegee guys. Unless your kid has grown up at the corner of Hollywood and Vine, they're
likely not going to get a lot of these jokes either, but you'll probably be laughing too hard to give a damn. At this point, I recommend
that parents who take their kids just ignore the kids and enjoy the movie themselves...you'll be able to make it up to them in a few weeks
when the new Harry Potter movie comes out. Or, you know, you can fill them full of candy, or get them drunk, or something.
Well, you don't have to be Kreskin to figure out that Fiona's parents are a little shocked. The Queen (Julie Andrews) is shocked, but
accepting. The King (John Cleese), on the other hand, wants nothing to do with any of it. Basically, it's a metaphor for racial
intolerance. Just tell the kids that the King is a big doodie-head.
Ah, but there is more afoot than you'd think. Fiona gets a visit from her Fairy Godmother (Jennifer Saunders), who isn't all that happy
with Fiona's choice of husband. You know, what with him being an ogre and all. As we soon find out, she's had her eye on Fiona to marry her
son, Prince Charming (Rupert Everett). And by the looks of him, this would be a real Liza Minelli / David Gest wedding. What I mean is,
Charming is going to get married in one of two places...Far Far Away, or Massachusetts. What I mean is, he's gay.
Apparently, the King and Fairy Godmother seem to have had an "arrangement" that this would happen, and now Shrek is messing up
the plans. So, the King does what every good father does...he arranges for a hetman to take out Shrek. That hetman is Puss In Boots
(Antonio Banderas). This marks the first movie in several decades where a character named "Puss In Boots" ISN'T involved in
several pornographic - and hot - acts.
I really hesitate to go any further here, because this is one of those rare movies that I really think everyone should go and see. As smart
as the first one was, this one is even smarter. Although, I've got to say that it really feels like they're going for the grown-up audience
this time instead of the kiddie audience. This isn't bad, as far as I'm concerned. 'Cause I'm a grown-up you see...fart and masturbation
jokes aside.
From time to time, the movie seems to almost overdose on the parody and satire front. Actually, if this were a different movie, I'd say it
DID overdose. But it's really well done, so I'm willing to give it a pass. I just don't see how kids are going to appreciate thinly veiled
references to movies like "Flashdance" and "The Fabulous Baker Boys".
But the parody is DEAD on at times. There's one sequence that is a perfect parody of "Cops" that had me and the other
"real" critics in attendance screaming with laughter. I laughed so hard that I'm planning to see it again JUST to see what I
missed the first time. Again, I won't ruin it, but I think it might be the funniest scene ever animated.
It's moments like this...these imaginative, subtle in-jokes, that really make Shrek 2. I'd even go so far as to say that it's funnier - if
not outright better - than the original. But you might want to leave the kids at home...you'll like it more than them. Park them in front
of the TV and let them watch "The Sopranos" instead.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I've been eating nothing but cheese and legumes for the past two days...and I have to get into my boss's office
before it's too late.
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