July 11, 2004 - SPECIAL ENTRY BY NAKED
Throwing
Down The Gauntlet
I officially hate Alliance Atlantis.
I don't expect everyone to know who I am
talking about, so let me explain.
Alliance
Atlantis is a Canadain company. They produce a number of well-regarded movies and television shows (including C.S.I.) and serve as the
Canadian distributor for a lot of American motion pictures, including Miramax. They also own a lot of Canadian digital channels, including
Showcase (and all the little Showcases, like Showcase Action) and the Canadian version of IFC. So, to sum up, they are a very, VERY big
deal.
I've been
trying to deal with these jerks for over a year and a half. I've been trying to get movie and DVD review material from them for Day Job. So
far, they have COMPLETELY shut me down.
It started when
I first offered to meet with their PR person. She had said that she wasn't sure they could release materials to us, because Day Job Show
doesn't reach enough people in Canada. Of course, we reach MILLIONS around the WORLD every day, but our Canadian numbers just aren't high
enough. However, she DID say she would meet with me to discuss it further. This is in about March or April of 2003, by the way.
I took the
afternoon off, and went to their office. In my hot little hands, I had a VHS copy of our show, to let her see what quality work we do. I
also had a bunch of swag...hats, T-shirts, etc. You know...to butter her up.
I sat in their
lobby for OVER AN HOUR. Nothing. I went to the receptionist repeatedly, and she called up to this woman repeatedly. Nothing. Finally, after
more than an hour, she told me that PR Girl was "in a meeting for the rest of the day."
I'd been
COMPLETELY blown off.
But, I'm a
mature man, with his temper in check (stop laughing), so I dropped off the stuff and my business card and went on my way. The next day, PR
girl emails me, saying "Sorry I missed you!" and gives me the same BS song and dance about how they can't play with us because
our Canadian numbers aren't high enough. She closes off by saying something along the lines of "Thanks for the cool swag!" and
that's it.
Well, I was
pissed. And a big part of that was that swag is hard to come by at Day Job, and there were a LOT of people at a LOT of studios and PR
companies that deserved it far more.
But again, I
was patient. I'll be honest...a lot of people in Toronto have similar problems with these guys, so I didn't take it personally. Besides, if
I chew them out, we're screwed...and the stuff they have to offer is WELL WORTH kissing up for. Miramax, New Line...the list goes on. They
handle QUALITY films and DVDs.
A few months
later I saw the re-release of the remake of "The Texas Chainsaw Massacre". I sent PR girl a quick email, saying we'd be
interested in covering it for the show (and, by extension, this column). Much to my surprise, she was MORE than accomodating. I got a pass,
and an EPK (Electronic Press Kit) that same day. I figured they'd had a change of heart...but wasn't counting my chickens just yet.
A couple of
weeks or so later, I knew that Lord Of The Rings: Return Of The King was coming out (LOTR:ROTK to all you hobbits out there). I sent a
quick, flippant email, saying something like "I guess it's not worth asking about THIS one, is it?" (Note: there is a chance I'm
remembering this wrong...it COULD have been Kill Bill Vol. 1, but I'm not at work now, so I can't check. I don't work on the site from Day
Job. I hope Bossman reads this.)
At any rate,
the response from PR Girl was along the lines of "Don't say that...it's VERY worth asking."
Well hey...they
must have liked what we had done with our TCM review. Cool!
Nothing.
Several
follow-up emails later, we had nothing, and as a result, had no movie review for the show for that week. Now I was mad again.
It came to a
head earlier this year. Kill Bill 2 (again, I could be wrong about this, it could have been another movie) was coming out. So, instead of
the easily-ignorable email, I phoned PR Girl. She did not sound happy to hear from me.
I explained
that on this particular weekend, we didn't have any other options for movies to review (not every studio works with us) and would she
CONSIDER letting us review KB2?
"No,"
she saidm giving me the first straight answer she had ever given me. She then explained why...company policy, our numbers, where our show
is seen, etc. etc.
Now, maybe I'm
easily impressed, but I LIKED this candor! She was finally being straight with me. And she straight-out said that critics from shows like
mine (meaning how our show is available) were being asked to stay away. Fine...I can DEAL with that. I followed up by saying
"Look...there's a hole in our schedule. What if we don't REVIEW it...what if we PREVIEW it instead? We'll do a feature on it, we'll
use footage from the EPK...we won't be saying it's good or bad, just talking about it. And it will be all positive...more or less a 3
minute commercial that will be seen by X million people around the WORLD.
She agreed. I
was happy...there were chinks in the armor. She was warming to us, right?
Wrong.
The EPK that
she said was going out never arrived. Emails and phone calls to her and the person she claimed was sending it out were ignored. I got in
s**t from Bossman because we were short a segment and had to scramble. It was a mess.
So that in of
itself is a s***ty way to do business. But I hate Alliance Atlantis because of how they treat me as a consumer as well.
I recently read
about a new game show that airs on IFC in the States. It's called "Ultimate Film Fanatic", and it's a trivia
show about movies, co-hosted (apparently) by Traci Lords.
I LOVE movies,
and I REALLY LOVE Traci Lords. A match made in heaven, no? So Friday at 10:30, I tuned in to IFC.
Nothing.
See, the
version of IFC that I get is the Canadian version. Programming is completely different.
Grrr....Alliance Atlantis strikes again.
But, I took the
high road...even though at this point I was completely f*****g fed up with dealing with this company. I emailed them through the site,
asking if they were planning on airing the show in Canada. I also gently pointed out that their
site had an error...advertising something called the "Blame The Parents Film
Festival" as airing between Thursday, July 15 to Sunday, July 17. (If you don't get it, check a calendar, you little
mathematician...)
So, what do I
get back from them? A GENERIC F*****G EMAIL THAT DOESN'T ANSWER MY F*****G QUESTION!!!!!
From:
"V**werCo**ents-HFX@ifctv.ca"
To: n***d@thenakedcritic.com
Subject: Program and Schedule Information
Thank you for your
interest in IFC - The Independent Film Channel.
Our Website offers a two-week schedule of all films and series currently
airing on IFC. Please visit http://www.ifctv.ca/schedule/ for a copy of the
schedule.
IFC - The Independent Film Channel is the ultimate TV source to view the
most innovative films from around the world. Jim Jarmusch, Quentin
Tarantino, Mike Leigh, ..snipa
AAAARRRRGGGHHHH!!!
Not only does
this company treat me like s**t as someone who works in the same industry, but they treat me like s**t as a CONSUMER WHO PAYS FOR THEIR
SERVICES AS WELL!!!
Listen to me, you
douchebags...if the show was ON YOUR SCHEDULE, I wouldn't be EMAILING YOU, you f*****g morons!
I've had it...I
quite literally have had it. This has been building for over a year with my PROFESSIONAL dealings with these dumbasses. But now, to get
this as a CONSUMER, that's it. That's the end.
So, I did what
any man would have to do in this situation...I sent a strongly worded letter.
From: "The N@k3d
Critic" n***d@thenakedcritic.com
To: V**werCo**ents-HFX@ifctv.ca
Subject: Re: Program and Schedule Information
doesn't answer my question, but hey, thanks for sending me a pre-prepared
template without actually addressing my question.
In all of my dealings with Alliance Atlantis, both personal and
professional, that's par for the course. "Ignore requests" must be in your
mission statement.
Why is it nobody in your company is capable of dealing with people, either
consumer or other media? Every single media professional I know - friends
and colleagues - dread dealing with you guys. And this is a perfect example
why...you just don't give a damn.
And, if your excuse is to say that this is an auto-response, save it. It's
not an excuse. If you don't want people to react poorly, don't set up an
auto-responder. It's that simple.
I would donate to charity for the opportunity to have lunch with the CEO of
Alliance Atlantis and tell him/her exactly what kind of horror stories I've
had to deal with, both as a consumer and a media professional (one who
writes reviews of motion pictures and DVDs for a living, in no less than two
separate media outlets). The way I have been treated by Alliance Atlantis
employees, especially in your publicity/PR department, is reprehensible.
So that is my challenge to you, Alliance Atlantis. I will donate to charity
for an hour of your CEO's time. I want the opportunity to tell him how
shoddily I have been treated, both as a consumer and as someone who works in
the same industry.
I'm not foolish enough to think that any changes will ever be made, but at
least I'll know that SOMEONE has actually HEARD my complaints, and not just
ignored them.
The gauntlet has been thrown down. I will also be throwing it down in
public, on my personal website (which gets tens of thousands of hits
weekly). So, it's not private any more. If you refuse to respond to my
requests, people will know. Not enough for you to care, obviously, but
enough.
You have a choice, Alliance Atlantis. Allow me to go to the top with my
grievances, or ignore me. I have a feeling that I'll be ignored, because
that will take far less effort. After all, if I WERE to meet with someone at
the top, and they were to listen to my complaints, and that resulted in any
sort of change, it would just mean that you would all have to work harder.
And nobody wants that.
The challenge is here...will you take it? I've got 10 bucks to charity that
says that nobody above middle-management ever even reads this. But again,
for Alliance Atlantis, that's par for the course.
Sincerely
The Naked Critic.
I guess we'll
see. I still don't think that anyone will meet with me. And I won't accept a meeting with ANYONE below CEO. I've made up my mind.
If you want to
throw your support behind my campaign - my own, personal "Roger And Me" go ahead and sent them an email. I starred out the
address to ensure that spiders don't harvest their address, but you can easily figure it out. Tell them that they should meet with me and
deal with the fact that they have no service skills at all. With companies like this, it's the only way that they'll ever f*****g
learn.
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