Today's review: Anything Else
Starring: Jason Biggs, Christina Ricci
Written and Directed by: Woody Allen
Rating: 3 (out of 5)
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The Naked Critic
There's a lot of movie nerds around. You've got your Star Wars nerds, Star Trek
nerds, foreign film nerds, Tarantino nerds, indie nerds...it's a pretty
nerd-heavy medium.
However, the nerdiest of the nerdy have got to be, without a doubt, the Woody
Allen nerd. Especially the ones who dress up in character and camp out for
tickets.
But Woody Allen nerds have one up on the rest of the nerds...the movies they
get to see are actually pretty damn good. And Annie Hall beat out Star Wars for
a Best Picture Oscar in 1977. In your FACE, Star Wars nerds!
Okay, so I'm not, technically speaking, a Woody Allen nerd. I am, however, a
long time fan of his films. Only very rarely do his movies fail to deliver.
Even some of his more recent films, like "Small Time Crooks",
entertain me immensely. And when he's good, he can make magic...for proof of
that, look no further than "The Purple Rose Of Cairo".
This is why I'm so disappointed after seeing the truly mediocre "Anything
Else." It's better than "Hollywood Ending" and "The Curse
Of The Jade Scorpion", but nowhere near as good as most of his others. In
Star Wars nerd terms, it's "Attack Of The Clones". In Trekkie
(sorry...Trekker) terms, it's "Insurrection".
The star of the movie isn't Allen himself, but American Pie's most famous
pastry violator, Jason Biggs. He plays Jerry Falk, a young, struggling comedy
writer with problems. So, basically, he's playing Woody's role. He's neurotic,
he dresses oddly, he talks to the camera...he's a better-looking Alvy Singer
from "Annie Hall".
Of course, his biggest problem is the collection of mental cases he surrounds
himself with. His best friend and mentor is David Dobel (Allen), a twitchy,
conspiracy theorist and survivalist. His agent Harvey (Danny DeVito) is a
garment-obsessed failure with only one client. And his shrink gives him no
useful input either. So far, he's me, only I don't have an agent. (and if you
know one, send him my way, PLEASE!)
And then there's his beautiful, psychotic girlfriend Amanda, played by
Christina Ricci, who is now old enough that I can gawk at her without feeling
pangs of guilt. Amanda is a budding actress, and a lunatic. A nutcase. Loco.
Insane in the membrane. She's irresponsible, ditzy, self absorbed, and
completely clueless as to normal human beings relate to one another. In other
words, a typical actress! (rimshot) Thank you, thank you. I'll be here all
week. Be sure to tip your server!
In flashback form, Jerry walks us through how he and Amanda first met. In fact,
it's more about how he stole her away from his good friend Bob (Jimmy Fallon),
while lying to his current girlfriend Brooke (Kadee Strickland). It seems that
Jerry and Amanda share a love of classic jazz singers like Billie Holliday, so
the two couples double date to go see Diana Krall. Personally, I'd have thought
that Krall was too successful to play small, smoky jazz clubs in Greenwich
Village, but hey, it's not my movie.
So, Jerry and Amanda hit it off. So much so that he pretty much stakes out her
apartment so he can take her to an old vinyl shop to buy Billie Holliday
records for her. Then they confess their feelings for each other, with Amanda
telling him "I've had a crush on you since we met. Couldn't you tell by
the way I was ignoring you?" Laugh all you want, but THAT'S women for
you.
So, now it's a year later, and Amanda is driving Jerry so crazy that he's only
one clever bon mot away from climbing a tower with a high-powered rifle. Amanda
won't have sex with him, she acts selfishly, and then on top of everything
else, she invites her mother Paula to come and live with them. Paula, played
brilliantly by Stockard Channing, is somehow even nuttier than Amanda.
So...where to start.
I have no problems with the acting in this film. In fact, quite the opposite.
Every performance, except for Allen's, is brilliantly executed. Even Biggs is
great; he does neurotic very well. On the other hand, if my finest screen
moment involved my hairy ass bouncing up and down on a dessert, I'd be neurotic
too. Especially fantastic is Channing, who should pick up at least an Oscar
nomination for her role. And if there was an Oscar for "Best performance
in an extended scene with a vaguely translucent top and no bra", Ricci
would win it hands down.
It's not the cast...it's the casting that I have a problem with.
You're probably reading that last sentence and thinking to yourself "Uh
oh...the Naked Critic is drunk again." I assure you I'm not. And I'll
explain myself.
Actually, I am a little drunk, so let me take a break, have some coffee, and
reread that sentence.
<3 hours later>
Ok, so, strictly speaking, I didn't sober up. And maybe I "Irished"
up my coffee a little bit. But my statement stands...it's not the cast...it's
the casting.
Jerry is 21 years old. He has a decent apartment in the Village and is
obviously getting enough work to pay for it. He can afford Diana Krall tickets,
fancy restaurants, and hotel rooms on a whim. TRUST ME ON THIS...no friggin'
WRITER at the tender age of 21 is doing that well. And if they are, they're
doing far, far better. Plus, he's been in co-habitational (yeah, I made that
word up...what of it?) relationships with at least 2 women. The character, as
written, is just too young to have all the problems that Jerry has. The
character SHOULD be at least 5 years older in order to give him any
credibility.
I'm going to draw the ire of Woody Allen nerds everywhere now, when I say...the
script is weak.
It is. I'm sorry. He's really just re-written Annie Hall with a new-millennium
twist. And, as screenplays go, it's better than most. But for Woody, it's just
a collection of clever one-liners with filler in between.
See, now I've done it. Woody Allen nerds everywhere are preparing their attack.
I'm going to wind up with an inbox full of well-composed and intelligent
putdowns about my moral turpitude. Plays will be written assassinating my
character and The Village Voice will pen a scathing editorial. But I stand
firm, damn it!
It's like...Woody Allen Lite. And, considering the guy only weighs about a
buck-ten, that's saying something.
At least he didn't cast himself as the lead. But the creepy factor is still
there when you realize that Biggs is playing Allen. It's like he's living
vicariously through Biggs as he gropes and makes love to Ricci. Don't get me
wrong...I'm living vicariously through Biggs too, but for Woody Allen to do it?
That's just wrong.
I would actually recommend this to non-Woody fans. It's funny, witty, and has
winning performances. But for all you Woody nerds out there, do what I'm about
to do...watch "Broadway Danny Rose" or "Crimes And
Misdemeanors" again.
GRATUITOUS PLUG TIME
Say, are you sick and tired of me reviewing movies that aren't that bad?
Well, have I got the list for you!
My Texan friend Danny Gallagher is quite a movie reviewer as well.
In fact, he's got his own list!
You can check out his hysterically funny "Movies That Suck" column by
going to
http://www.sillygirl.com/words.php?SubSectionID=11
Or subscribe by sending an email to MTS-subscribe@topica.com
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