Today's Review: Elf
Starring: Will Ferrell, James Caan
Directed by: Jon Favreau
Rating: 4 (out of 5)
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The Naked Critic
I'm a critic. Part of my job involves...well, most of it involves drinking a
lot of rum and passing out drunk at 3 in the afternoon. But even more
importantly, I have to go into a movie and suspend all prejudice...I have to
rate each picture as a stand-alone project, and not on my personal bias.
But, I erred. I went into "Elf" wanting to hate every single,
solitary frame of it. I did this for 3 reasons.
1) There hasn't been a decent Christmas movie since "The
Ref" 2) Will
3) Ferrell. |
It's true. I hate Will Ferrell. Hate, hate, hate him. I hate him more than the
Grinch hates Christmas. I hate him more than Conservatives hate the thought of
universal health care. I hate him more than I hated "Gigli." And I
tried to shake this. I really did.
Why do I hate him so much? Because several years ago, Lorne Michaels felt it
necessary to re-tool Saturday Night Live, and hired a bunch of unknowns. And
that resulted in "The Cheerleaders," which is, as you know, the
un-funniest thing ever broadcast on TV. I decided right then and there that I
would hate Will Ferrell for life.
It hasn't always been easy. I saw "Old School" earlier this year and
thought he was funny-ish. And before that, I grudgingly admitted that he did a
decent Dubya impression. And "Celebrity Jeopardy" ruled.
Add that to the fact that there hasn't been a decent Christmas movie since
"The Ref", and you can understand why I went into the theatre
expecting to hate every single, solitary frame of it.
And wow...was I wrong.
The movie opens about 30 years ago with a fat, white haired man (Edward Asner)
breaking into an orphanage, seemingly so he can raid their milk and cookie
supply. However, being an orphanage, their security system is quite lacking,
and the fat burglar is left alone to consume all the milk and cookies his
corpulent frame can handle.
But, of course, he's not a burglar. He's Santa Claus. Father Christmas. Pere
Noel. Lou Grant. And, naturally, he's got his bag full of goodies. Of course,
I'm GUESSING that he doesn't have the Lite Brite in there that I asked for. Fat
bastard. What he DOES have, though, is Buddy...a baby from the orphanage who
crawled in without Santa realizing it. I'm guessing that the orphanage was the
last stop on his trip, otherwise he would have either seen Buddy or wound up
putting him under a tree, thus surprising the hell out of the kid who asked for
a baby brother for Christmas (not to mention his parents, who were only
planning on getting him Hot Wheels)
So, when Santa gets back to the North Pole, he realizes he has an extra
passenger. Oh, and in case you're wondering how Buddy - clad only in a diaper -
could have survived the chill of the North Pole in a bag, it's because it's a
MAGIC bag, silly. A magic, no-Lite-Brite-for-the-Naked-Critic-having bag. I
hate that f*****g bag.
So, Santa automatically assumes that Buddy is a baby from the orphanage. It's
funny, he's got the mental faculties to figure that out, but not that he's been
lugging a friggin' BABY all over the world with him. And, rather than return
him, they decide to keep him, breaking about a hundred kidnapping laws. He's
raised, in fine Elf fashion, by Papa Elf (Bob Newhart). And because Elves are
good, decent creatures (except for the kidnapping thing) they embrace him, even
after Buddy grows up to be Will Ferrell.
So, 30 years later, Buddy realizes that he's not actually an Elf. This is a
shock to Buddy, who - while sweet natured - isn't the brightest bulb on the
tree. Santa tells him all about what happened...that his Dad Walter (James
Caan) had knocked up this girl years ago, who then had Buddy, put him up for
adoption, and died. You know, standard, light-hearted kiddie stuff. So Buddy
takes it upon himself to leave the North Pole, go to New York, and meet his
real father. Because, you know, screw the guy who raised him. Who cares how he
feels? Before he leaves, Santa warns him about the perils of New York (always a
good idea) and further warns him that his natural father is on...the Naughty
List.
An aside: I'm sorry. Maybe it's because I'm a guy, but being on the Naughty
List doesn't sound all that bad. It sounds pretty good, actually. I've got a
Naughty List of my own, and it's full of very pleasant - albeit naughty -
memories. So, my question to YOU is, "What would you do to get on the
Naked Critic's Naughty List?" Send your response to me at
thenakedcritic@yahoo.com.
Responses with photos are encouraged. And remember, this is an
equal-opportunity contest. And to ensure fairness, the lovely and talented Mrs.
Naked will review all entries from guys. The winner will get a prize...I don't
know what yet. Probably some DVDs or something...I'm trying to get rid of
"Wrong Turn."
So anyway, Buddy heads off to New York to meet his dad. To be honest, I'm as
big a James Caan fan as the next guy, but I don't want to know what he did to
get on the Naughty List. But he does seem to be a bit of a bad ass in
this...he's a big-wig at a company that publishes children's books, he doesn't
have enough time for his family, yadda yadda yadda. Meanwhile, Buddy also finds
"work" in a department store, working as - what else - an elf. Here
he meets Jovie (Zooey Deschanel), another "Elf" who seems like she
could use some cheering up, Elf-Style. By the way, "Elf-Style" is one
position that doesn't appear anywhere in the Kama Sutra. I know, because I just
spent an hour checking.
There are a lot of really wonderful things in this movie, but the topper is
Will Ferrell's performance. I hate like hell to admit that, because those damn
cheerleaders have scarred me for life. But he really is great here. He plays
the part of Buddy with a wild abandon. And, if you think about it, it could be
the best job in the world. Director Jon Favreau probably just said to him,
"Will, here's the deal. I need you to act like you're 6 years old again.
You're innocent, have no cynicism, and filled with boundless enthusiasm. Can
you do that?" Man...I'd KILL for a job like that. But he really pulls it
off. He's got a kind of unlimited energy in this movie, but it's more than just
that...he evokes that innocence that we all miss from our childhood.
In fact, everyone in the cast gives it their all. You get the sense watching
this movie that it's full of people who initially told their agent "No, I
don't do Christmas movies", and then changed their mind when they read the
script. Caan is wonderfully crusty as Walter, but he has one brilliant, tender
moment, when Buddy mentions the name of his mother - and Walter's ex-flame.
It's a flicker, really...a half-second of realization, and loss, and
sorrow...before reverting back to crustydom. It's subtle, and if you blink you
could miss it, but watch for it...it's a fantastic moment.
The other main reason the movie works so well is that it doesn't pander to
kids. In fact, some of the movie's best, funniest lines are smart jokes...but
not "fly over the heads of the kids" smart (like the totally
unnecessary "key party" reference in "The Grinch Who Stole
Christmas"). They're smart jokes that the kids will GET. And you'll both
appreciate them. As an example, when Santa warns buddy about the perils of New
York, he says "Remember, gum you find on the street is NOT 'Free
Candy!'" There's also a memorable moment (ruined by Ebert...thanks Rog!)
when Buddy encounters a "Fake" Santa at the department store. Buddy
seethes "You sit on a throne of LIES!" It's hysterical.
Another wonderful touch is the North Pole. When Buddy steps outside the
workshop, he walks into a wonderland straight out of the Claymation specials of
the 60's, complete with talking animals. It's a brilliant tip-of-the-hat to
everyone who ever lived for those specials as a kid.
So, we know that it works for the grown ups, but what about the kids? Well,
there was a 4-year-old girl at this screening who was just EATING it up. She
kept talking through the whole thing - I think it was her first ever movie in a
theatre. But, where a person talking through movies normally sends me into a
homicidal rage, she was just ADORABLE. So, I thought, what better way to end my
column than by getting a quote from this adorable little moppet? So, when the
credits rolled, I approached her and her guardian. I introduced myself to the
fellow - her grandfather - and asked if I could ask the girl what she thought
of the movie. He smiled and said "sure."
"Hi." I said. "What's your name?
"Chloe."
"Hi Chloe. How old are you?"
"4."
"Wow! So, did you like the movie?"
"Yes."
"What did you like best?"
At this point, she turned to her grandfather and said "Whatever. C'mon
Grampa. I wanna go now."
Yes, I was burned by a 4-year-old girl.
Merry Christmas, everybody!!
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