Today's Review: Out Of Time (DVD)
Starring: Denzel Washington, Eva Mendes
Directed by: Carl Franklin
Rating: 3.5 (out of 5)
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I shouldn't have liked this movie, actually.
See, the other day I went out with a bunch of people from Day Job for a beverage or 12. Gradually, the lightweights
gave up and went home, leaving me and my good friend BT the last 2 standing...usually the case, as it turns out.
But then, and this is the annoying part, the bill came. That's annoying enough. But making it worse is that after we
threw in, we were OVER A HUNDRED DOLLARS SHORT.
Yeah. Happy New Year to you too, my illustrious coworkers. I was sorely tempted to thank them by making them all a VERY
SPECIAL pot of coffee the next day...but I took the high road.
I don't know about you, but I sure as hell can't afford an extra hundred bucks just after the holidays. Sure, I could
dip into my Naked Critic money, except for the fact that there ISN'T ANY.
So, needless to say, I was pissed right off. So I came home and watched "Out Of Time," with the full
knowledge that in my furious state, I was probably going to wind up disliking it. "Oh well," I said to nobody
in particular, "Sorry Denzel. If you don't like my review, blame it on my coworkers."
But, I was surprised. It's actually pretty good. It'll never win Oscars or anything like that, but it was solid all the
same.
The movie takes place in the Florida Keys. Now, it seems that off the Florida Keys, there's a place called Kokomo.
That's where you want to go to get away from it all. That has nothing to do with the movie...I just wanted to make fun
of a lame Beach Boys song.
Actually, the movie takes place in a sleepy little town called Banyan Key. Nothing much ever happens here. We know this
because, after an INSUFFERBLY slow, jazzy opening, we meet the local Chief of Police, Matt Whitlock (Washington). He's
on duty, and keeping the peace by drinking beer and watching Jay Leno. Yup...that's YOUR tax dollars at work, folks.
THAT'S how sleepy this town is...they don't even get The Daily Show there, so they're reduced to watching Jay Leno.
Yawn.
Well, Matt gets a call for a breaking and entering call. So, he rushes over to the house, despite the fact that he's
been drinking beer. I guess in sleepy Florida Key towns, you don't need to worry about being busted for drinking and
driving. Word has it that Nick Nolte wants to retire to Banyan Key.
So, Matt shows up at the house of Anna Merai Harrison (the stunning Sanaa Lathan). She "files" her
"report", saying that the intruder that was lurking around looked a lot like Matt. "So, he was a good
looking guy then?" he asks. "No," she coolly responds. ZING!
Then they start making out and bumping uglies. At this point, despite being pissed off and a little buzzed, I realized
"Hey...this is no police report!"
Unfortunately, he gets interrupted by damn work. How dare they! And, just to drive the point home, they say things like
"The situation is about to blow!" and "We need you to come quick!" Christ...letters to Penthouse
Forum are subtler.
The next day, Matt's eating alone and he meets Chris Harrison...played by "Lois & Clark" casualty Dean
Cain. Yes, "Harrison"...making him the husband of the girl that Matt was dry-humping just hours before.
SPICY! And adding to the spice is the fact that they openly loathe each other. Personally, I can't imagine ANYONE
loathing Dean Cain...unless of course they were forced by an ex-girlfriend to watch "Lois & Clark" every
week. Okay, I hate Dean Cain.
Meanwhile, Matt's soon-to-be ex-wife Alex (Mendes) is still on the scene from time to time, making things difficult.
She's a homicide detective in Miami and, by extension, more important than a boozy, Leno-watching Florida Key chief.
So, apparently, to make himself feel like more of a man, he's allowing this married woman to make his penis larger.
An aside: I hate to typecast, but Eva Mendes is WAY too hot to be a homicide detective. She's a great actress,
granted...this isn't a critique of her performance. But she's so hot that, if she WERE a homicide detective, the murder
rate in Miami would quadruple overnight, mostly thanks to "perps" who haven't been "frisked" in a
while, if you know what I mean. (I was going to use "mirandized" but realized that it didn't make any
sense.)
Ok, so on top of ALL of this, Matt's sitting on top of a shitload of drug money. Ok, not "sitting" on it.
It's in his safe, and earmarked for evidence, so nobody can touch it.
Now, to make a short story long, it seems like Ann is quite sick, with terminal cancer. She can't rely on her
no-account husband to help, because, well, he's an abusive douchebag. So she turns to Matt to go to the doctor with
her. She introduces him as her "brother", which is kind of disturbing, if you ask me. If I was Matt, and the
gorgeous woman I was sleeping with referred to ME as her brother, Little Naked would go into retirement, no matter HOW
good looking she was. My own fault for not being born in the Ozarks, I guess.
So Matt, out of the goodness of his heart (or penis) offers to help pay for her expensive medical treatment with a few
extra bucks he has lying around, locked up, in his office. In return, Ann signs over her life insurance policy to
him...worth a cool million, I might add.
An aside: I'm not a gambling man myself, but I've always considered Life Insurance to be a gamble...and a sucker bet,
to boot. Think about it...you're basically betting the insurance company that you WILL die. They, on the other hand,
are essentially betting that you WON'T die. So, in the end, if you win, you lose, and if you lose, you win. I'll take
my chances with scratch-and-win tickets, thank you.
Then, well, things kind of go to shit. Without giving too much away, there's a big kafuffle involving arson, murder,
missing drug money...and all that jazz. And before long, Matt is the prime suspect...even though he's the only person
that knows it. He has to remain about a dozen steps ahead of everyone else, otherwise he's in deep dookie. In other
words, a bad day. Hey, we all have them. I myself have had bad days that involve being the prime suspect in a scam
involving arson, murder, and missing drug money. I call those "weekdays".
Okay, I'll admit that, on the surface, it doesn't sound like all that much. But it's actually pretty good. Mainly for 2
reasons:
1) Denzel
2) Washington
Ok, whether you thought his Oscar for "Training Day" was a farce or not, there's no denying that he is, quite
frankly, one of the best actors on the planet. If you disagree with me, then that's your prerogative, of course. After
all, we're all entitled to our opinions. But, in this case, you're wrong.
Beyond being a fantastic actor, Washington pretty much EMBODIES the word "Charisma". And I happen to know for
a fact that I'm not alone. My dad, who is even harder on movies than me, had gone on record more than once by saying
"I'd watch the worst movie ever made if Denzel Washington was in it." And, with some movies (Training Day,
John Q) he isn't far off. More so than any actor alive today, this is a man who was BORN to be in front of a camera.
Just admit it already.
But it's more than just him...he's got a secondary talent...he can make the performances of ANYONE acting with him
better. We've all seen it. Heck, he made Ethan Hawke shine in a career-best performance, and all he's ever been good
for is looking shaggy and bored.
Well, he does it again here, and the recipient of this good mojo is none other than Dean Cain. The dude is actually
really good here. Now, when I saw his name attached to the movie, I'll admit, I groaned. Mrs. Naked agreed, going so
far as to say that either Washington lost a bet, or Cain WON one. To be honest, she was a little inebriated at the
time, but I trust her judgment.
But in "Out Of Time", Cain is almost a scene-stealer. He plays the role of Chris with this very entertaining
undercurrent of danger and anger. (Hey..."danger and anger" is fun to say! Try it!) For someone who's been
relegated to hosting gross-out reality shows, he shows an incredible range, especially in his scenes with Denzel. You
heard it here first...Dean Cain can actually act...believe it...or not!
That "Believe it...or not" joke was suggested by the inebriated Mrs. Naked as well. Heck...if I can just keep
her liquored up enough, these reviews will just start to write themselves. Then maybe I'll be able to write more than
one of these a month.
Other than the performances, the story is pretty engaging as well. It's actually a pretty interesting mish-mash. The
movie, especially the climax, is an almost 50-50 mix of originality and cliché. Not a great ratio, to be sure,
but better than most of the shit that we see.
Then, of course, there's the extras. All the usual suspects are here, but there are a couple of neat additions. One is
a pair of outtakes...bloopers, if you will. This in of itself isn't all that spectacular, but the scenes themselves are
pretty heavy, so it's nice to see the talent break character in an intense scene. Also included are the original
screen-tests of Lathan and Cain, and they're fun too. Especially Cain's...he's almost as good in the screen test as he
is in the movie. They also give you a nice peek into how these movies are cast.
Overall, it's a better-than-average thriller. I'm actually surprised it didn't do better at the box office, since there
were a lot of movies that weren't as good that made more money. Check it out.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go liquor Mrs. Naked up again. I have more reviews to write.
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