Hola amigos. Sorry it's been a while since I rapped at you, but between work, holidays in sunny, tropical Gander,
Newfoundland, and more work, I've just been swamped.
I've committed myself (and that whip-cracking Paul Buceta at www.paulbuceta.com) that I'm going to get at least one
review out tonight, with plenty more coming in the (hopefully) near future. But first, if you care, an update.
Yes, I was on holidays. I went to visit Mrs. Naked's family in Newfoundland over Christmas. And, other than those
skeevy bastards at Air Canada LOSING MY LUGGAGE and then delivering it 3 DAYS LATER after MIDNIGHT, it was a perfect
trip. As a matter of fact, I didn't work or review for over a week! That's partially because I deserved a break. Mostly
though, it was fear. Mrs. Naked is a warm, wonderful, tolerant person, but I have a feeling that if I had even
ATTEMPTED to work, I would have been in for it. Probably a stern look, or a mild scolding. Or, possibly, she would have
beaten me with a golf club. (Ok, she would NEVER do that, but why take chances?)
Actually, I'm probably in even more trouble for making that joke.
So, long story short, I am backed up. And I mean REALLY backed up. So, partially to light a fire under my ass, here's
what you can look forward to in the near future:
REVIEWS
MOVIES: The Cooler (William H. Macy, Alec Baldwin) - This weekend
Girl With the Pearl Earring (Scarlett Johansson, Colin "Be still my beating heart" Firth) - This weekend
Win A Date With Tad Hamilton! (Topher Grace, Kate Bosworth) - Next weekend
DVDs
Out Of Time (Denzel Washington, Eva Mendes) - soon
Assassination Tango (Robert Duvall) - soon
Jeepers Creepers 2 (Who cares?) - soon
Uptown Girls (Brittany "I do not look like a crack whore" Murphy, Dakota Fanning) - soon
Pirates of the Caribbean (Johnny Depp, Geoffrey Rush) - This one will be so late, I may not even do it...but I have a
feeling I'll be asked for it.
Lucia Lucia - who am I kidding? Not until next week at the earliest.
Direct To Video
Miranda (Christina Ricci) - not for at least a week
Cheerleader Ninjas (Some really hot chicks) - not for at least a week
So you see? I'm thinking about you all! Y'all just have to be patient with me.
Which brings me to other news
OTHER NEWS - brought to you by a grant from the Gizmonic Institute
ITEM! Whole-hearted congratulations to "Jess from... hmmm...California. Yeah, that's the ticket." She's the
winner of the "Get on the Naked Critic's Naughty List" contest. Now, I cannot, in good conscience, tell y'all
what she did to win, but it involved photos and waaaaay too much free time. For this, she bagged herself a brand-new,
gently-used copy of the "Firefly" boxed set, which I understand she brings to bed with her every night. Not
only did she get on my naughty list, but she also used the same talent, free time, digital camera, Photoshop program,
and "props" to submit her choice for my new name...which reminds me...
ITEM! The new name has been picked. Thanks to all of you who voted. The grand announcement will be coming soon, and
will coincide with the launch of the new website...oh yeah!
ITEM! The website is STILL under construction. Man, this web design thing is a pain in the ass. Not only do I have no
inkling about design, but I'm teaching myself HTML and all that other crap as I go along. Needless to say, right now it
resembles a Geocities website developed by a 10-year-old girl who wants the world to know that she LUVS Justin
Timberlake. So, I figure I'll lose the hearts, unicorns, and rainbows. Also, I'll be handing the whole thing over to a
friend of mine to fix up, so's I don't make a total arse out of myself.
What will the website have, you ask?
REVIEWS - tons of 'em. In fact, every one I've written up until now. But, instead of a crappy email, you'll be able to
read them on a crappy website. PLUS, I'll have pictures, complete with snarky comments. The pictures, of course, will
be provided thanks to a very, VERY loose interpretation of "Fair Use" laws, and will probably still get me
sued.
THE BOOK - News about the Naked Critic's (soon to be renamed) first ever BOOK project. Yeah, you heard me...a BOOK!
You'll be able to slip the Naked Critic in your purse and take me everywhere!
THE JOURNAL - For when I can't make one of my rants fit in the context of a review, I'll have the journal (or
"blog", as the kids refer to it.) This is because I love to see my writing in print, and nobody will ever
read it, but hey, it's fun.
THE SPADINA MONOLOGUES - Or as I refer to it, "The One-Man Show That Refuses To Die." This will be the text
of my successful one-man show. Sure, you won't be able to SEE me perform it, but it's the next best thing. And, for all
of you that scoff at my use of the term "successful"...how many one-man shows have YOU mounted, smartass?
Yeah...that's what I thought...
OTHER CRAP - Other stuff I've written from time to time. All funny, all original, and all a waste of your employer's
valuable time.
Oh, speaking of the one-man show...
ITEM! I'm going to be back on stage again! I still have to firm up the details, but I'll be performing my latest
creation in the near future at the Tim Sims Playhouse (at Second City) in Toronto. It's a short piece, but if you've
ever wanted to see the Naked Critic in action on stage, this will be the place to see it. More updates to come.
I think that's all for now. Thanks for hanging in there, and keep sending the reviews around! I love each and every one
of you...in a platonic sense, of course.
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