I miss the old days where I would do a journal entry every day.
I’ve been thinking lately about what’s changed in my life and how that’s affected my journals.
I think I figured it out…
I have friends now.
I know that seems weird but back in the days when I wrote in my journal a lot I really didn’t have a social life. Hanging out with different models every day is nice, real nice, but it’s not the same as having friends. Friends require work, they require brain power and quite frankly leave me with almost nothing for me.
I don’t mean that to sound cruel, selfish or even as though I regret or resent my friends but I find I spend all my time thinking about them – And I mean all my time.
What’s more, I find myself more interested in giving my friends lavish gifts and trips than myself. I don’t even clothes shop for myself much anymore as I’d rather buy them gifts or do something for them.
I’ve never been good with having friends – I just give way too much but can’t help myself.
Yesterday for the first time in my life, I turned my phone of and just did nothing. It was kind of weird actually. It made me realize just how connected I had become. How much I needed the calls and need to call them.
So how do I go about being more for me and still a good friend?