An On-Line Journal
by Paul Buceta

2005 09 08 - JACKPOT!!!

I feel like I won a huge jackpot today!

Often when speaking with friends, namely models, about relationships, I always tell them about my relationship with my ex-girlfriend Laura.

It's a bit of a sad story, full of regrets.

We had dated years ago back in high school. It was one of those relationships that feels pure and honest, kind of like you see in music videos. I loved this girl - I mean seriously, I was totally insane over her.

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She was so much fun to be with too. We were always laughing and joking with one another.
She had the most beautiful way of eating ice cream with her hands...

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This blissful insanity lasted a couple of years culminating in us going to the prom together. Did she ever look beautiful that night....
When I drove her home afterwards, it was the first time I was to meet her dad.
You see, being Italian and young, she wasn't really allowed to have boyfriends - Especially non Italians.
He basically told me if he ever saw me again, he'd break my legs.

Unfortunately, being young and stupid (as opposed to old and stupid now), I let her get away. A decision I often question to this day.

It hurt at the time but what I hadn't expected was how long this feeling would last.

We decided being away from one another would make things easier.
It was no wonder we lost touch.
I'm not kidding when I say we haven't communicated in over 10 years.

Over time I would find myself thinking of her fondly, not realizing just how important a role she played in my life

My brother had bumped into her at the airport a few years ago. I thought to myself, at last; contact!
But no, he did not get her number or offer his. So again, she fleetingly passed through my life.

Then, I got together with an old friend from high school I hadn't seen in years and to my dismay, he had seen her just a few weeks prior. 'HURRAY!' I thought again, I'm going to be able to get in touch after all these years.
But alas it wasn't meant to be. My friend admitted he was hitting on her and she just wasn't interested. In a way, I suppose I should be grateful. Again, she just passed through my life with no clue how often I've searched for her.

I posted her picture in a prior journal but was hesitant to put her full name on it lest she take offence. No luck.

Over the last 5 years I would check my account at to see if she'd appear.
It wasn't like I wasn't regularly checking for her on line. I just wasn't sure if she got married and was living under another name
I went as far as posting on bulletin beards on-line to see if anyone knew what happened to her - To no avail.

This brings me to today.

I got an email from, you guessed right, Laura.

I was actually at the computer when it came in. I didn't even finish reading it when I noticed a phone number near the bottom.
I began dialing as I knew she was probably still at the computer. Also, I wanted to get her while I was still fresh on her mind.
She answered the phone and the first words I say to her in over 10 years are, "DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW LONG I'VE BEEN LOOKING FOR YOU?"
She laughed outright commenting on how I haven't changed.

We spent the next hour talking about old times and what we've been up to. I could barely contain my excitement. I've never really been one to keep my feelings secret. I'll admit, I was grinning teary eyed the whole time.
I'm so happy, I could barely type this.

She's an interior decorator/designer now. It was actually through work that she found me.
She was looking on-line at a few clubs downtown (as she also designs clubs) when she came across an image with my name on it.
Curiosity getting the best of her, she began reading my journal wondering if I remembered her - That is, until she stumbled upon my entry about her.

Long story short, errr.... shorter - We're going to meet to catch up.

It wasn't till after getting off the phone with her that I realized to my horror - I have to get to the gym.
What's worse, she probably read my entry about the whole 'weight gain'. What am I gonna do?
No more food for me.

With my luck, I'll get an email from her dad reminding me he's still in the leg breaking business.